extraORDINARY me

I am shy, very shy, I hide it well but the truth is if you put me in a group of new people I turn into a 12 year old girl inside. I am quiet, in a family of somewhat loud people I am not really sure how that happened. Sometimes I think I am even invisible, made of some transparent material that is easily overlooked or seen right through. My whole life I have felt this way, it is not anyone's fault, as I said I am shy and quiet which makes me easy to overlook. I have often been on the sidelines watching other people do amazing things; mission trips, scholarships, athletic victories, great jobs, incredible musical talent, etc..feeling like I was somehow not doing all I was supposed to be...
I got decent grades in school, I went to college, I can run, I can carry a tune, I do have some skills but being entirely honest I have never excelled in anything. I have always been somewhere in the middle. I used to struggle with this, looking at other peoples lives feeling like they could be better used by God because they at least had one (or more) area of excellence. Lately I have spent time reflecting and praying over this view of myself and here are some of the things I have discovered. God SEES me, first and foremost, even if I feel at times no one else does God SEES me and He knows me. He knows those times when I feel transparent, when I feel like I need to be doing something more than what I am. He knows my heart is to serve Him, to live my life displaying the glory of His splendor, to be used by Him.

He has shown me that He did not mess up in His creation of me. I am quiet because He wanted me to listen, He wanted me to be peace for my loved ones. He made me smart enough to discuss intelligently those things I am passionate about (evolution/creation, heath & more) but not so smart I get caught up in the intellectual. He gave me a voice to worship Him, to share my hop

es, dreams, to share His love and mine for humanity but not the talent to become taken with myself. He gave me legs to run, a heart to beat and a desire to push myself beyond my limits physically, but not so swiftly I become obsessed by my own skill. He made me loving, compassionate, sensitive, emotional, silly, spastic, childlike and so much more. He made me who I am because He wanted who I am, He wanted Renee, He has a purpose for me as He made me, not as I think I should be.

So maybe I won't be some great missionary in Africa, maybe I will never even do a trip, but I am here in the day to day life of my family and friends, of my hometown and state. He can use me this way, because He has placed me here. I may never lead a worship team, win a race or even have a "regular job", but God will use me. This is not to say He will not push me, I do not know exactly all that He has planned for me. He is teaching me in my new found physical excursions that I am capable of much more than I ever thought I was. How He will use these new revelations of mine I do not know. The one thing I do know is that this "ordinary life" of mine is and will be extraordinary.