Exodus..

     I am currently on a "read the bible" in a year plan. It surprised me when I realized I had never, in 26 years of being a christian, read the bible in it's entirety. I've read the new testament a few times, but never all of the old testament. Anyhoo, I am currently reading in Exodus, about the Israelites, their departure from slavery in Egypt and their journey to the promised land. In my reading I found myself, more than once I hate to admit, passing judgement on them. Reading their story I want to holler or shake them, "why can't you just see?", "Uhhh God just saved you from slavery, why are you whining?!, "what more obvious signs of God's presence do you need before you will trust him?"...those kinds of things. Similar to the way I shout at or question character's in a movie that are just.not.getting.it. I just couldn't understand their lack of vision or their easy forgetfulness. God delivered them from Egypt, showing many signs & wonders before they actually departed (Exodus 5- 11). After they left when Pharaoh changed his mind and went chasing after them, God parted a sea for them to cross on dry land (Ex 14 & 15). He sweetened bitter water (Ex 15:22-25), provided manna & quail (Ex 16), actually appeared to their leaders (Ex 24:9-11) and yet time and time again they complained, grumbled, failed to trust, even built an idol to replace God (Ex 32). When the time came to cross into the land God promised (Numbers 13 & 14) they failed to trust the Lord and ended up wandering in the wilderness for 40 years. It seems so crazy from this side of things, the miracles, the signs, the never-ending faithfulness of God, even when they complained-how could they not trust him? I mean seriously people...
     While mulling this all over one day, subconsciously asking the Lord how it was possible for them to have lost faith over and over, the Lord spoke to my heart. I am thankful that, even when pointing out things in my life/heart that are not in tune to the heart of the Father, he is so gentle. There was no condemnation, simply a reminder of the times in my own life I have been just like the Israelites. I was saved at 5, I think, I can't remember the exact age it was so long ago. Some of you may think that means I couldn't really have made that kind of decision for Christ, I assure you that my heart was changed and touched by the God of the universe and my decision was real and permanent. Regardless of all that, the point is I have known God most of my life, I grew up in church, my parents are Christians. I have known people miraculously healed, seen lives totally changed, heard testimonies of God's incredible goodness many times over. In my own life I have felt his presence, had prayers answered, been reassured over and over again that God was with me & God was for me. Yet I found myself, not so many years ago slowly pushing back from all I knew about God. I stopped attending church regularly, stopped reading my bible, I began to make compromises in my life, in my heart. I allowed bitterness, anger, depression, fear, take root. It wasn't a speedy rebellion, it was a slow decent, giving in here and there until my heart was no longer recognizable to me. The Lord spoke to me often during that time, I still loved him, I've always loved him but I just didn't want to have to do anything, I wanted change but not really. I was comfortable in my slavery to those things, especially fear, anytime I made headway away from it I kept going back. Just like the Israelites would likely have done (they surely wanted to many times) had they not been so far from Egypt.
    Thankfully, I serve a persistent God who loves me, who wants more for me in this life than the life I was living. He was faithful to walk alongside me, occasionally nudging me, waiting, hoping, longing for the day when I would simply turn and say "yes Father". That's all it took, I reached a place of desperate longing, my wilderness had gotten the better of me, as it did to the Israelites after those long 40 years of wandering. When I did finally acknowledge my desperate need, was finally willing to truly trust in the Lord, He was there to bring me through my wilderness and into the land he had for me. There were giants in the way, enemies determined to keep me from reaching it, but just like he did for those wandering friends of mine, he gave me the ability to destroy them one by one. The view from this side is so much more glorious then I could have imagined. So, you see? I am not so different then those grumbling Israelites, not different at all and the God I serve is the same wonderfully faithful one they finally trusted to bring them into the land he promised...and I am so thankful.