Thankful

It has been a crazy few weeks, month, month and a half. I don't really know how long, I've sort of lost track of time lately. I won't delve into all the details of why it's been crazy, because it would take ages but I will share a little about last week's events and how it ties into this blog title....

Anyway, my dad was diagnosed last year with a rare genetic disorder that has caused severe cirrhosis of his liver. This can cause various complications to his system, the greatest (aside from liver failure, which is likely inevitable & he will need a transplant someday) being a backing up of his blood into vessels in his digestive tract, leading to bulging veins and possible rupture. Well, last week, that happened. He hadn't been feeling well for a few days and on Tuesday morning my mom took him to the ER vomiting blood. No bueno. That first day in the ER looking down at my dad, pale, waxy, mumbling and obviously in pain I excepted to feel total panic, I expected to ball my eyes out and totally flip...but that didn't happen. Obviously, I was heartbroken my dad was so ill. Seeing your hero laid low is not an easy thing to process and yet, standing in that room with him, holding his hand, I was at peace. God's presence just washed over me and I knew, even if the very worst was to happen, the unthinkable loss of my much loved father, things would be ok. At the same time I also just knew he wasn't going to leave us. It was a crazy, almost surreal experience for one such as me who struggled with fear throughout my life. For someone who, when it reached it's crescendo in my life could easily have made me a prisoner in my own home. There was no fear in my heart that day, or any day after it.  My dad is ok now, though I suspect he will be on the watch for symptoms of another rupture, as it is a continual risk.
What does any of this have to do with being thankful? I mean aside from the obvious joy over my dad's recovery? It has allowed me to stand in a place I once never thought I would reach, in awe of the journey it took me to get here. It has opened my eyes to where I was and how far the Lord has brought me. Fear lurked in corners all throughout my life, I thought I was powerless against it, I thought it was just a part of who I was. In the beginning, when it really threatened to take over my life a few years ago, I cowered from it, begged to be released from it, never realizing that fear should be afraid of me. You see, fear only has the power over you that you give it. You, on the other hand, have the power to send it packing, to shut your ears, to defy it's direction for your life. Christ in me gives me all authority, all I have to do, is use it. Once upon a time my dad in a hospital room puking blood would have immobilized me. Last week, it mobilized me. Walking the path I had to trod a few years ago (and everyday since, I still have a choice to make, fear is a tricky stubborn thing) was not easy, honestly, it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, truly. Yet, I would not trade those months for anything because who I am now, was molded and shaped by the hand of the Father, who knew my heart, knew my fears, strengthened me, brought me through...and for that I am forever thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all. May your day be blessed and cherished. You are so loved.