Resolution

Sometimes life is hard. There are days where you feel like you and your loved ones are being pummeled by boulders while the word watches waiting to see if you'll fall. I have experienced these days more than once in my 33 years, I have suffered heartache, the kind that physically hurts and you feel certain it's going to break you. I've been so crippled by fear, leaving the safety of my home was almost impossible. I have suffered loss, loss of family & friends, loss of relationships, loss of dreams in my life. I've cried until my eyes were nearly swollen shut, I have suffered anguish, I have wondered "why?!?", I have been angry with the Lord, I have screamed at him within my own heart, I have questioned his power, his authority, his very goodness. Sometimes it feels like moving from day to day requires more strength then I have the ability to muster, and really, it does. These are the days when I have to grab hold of what I know to be true, even if I may not feel it, to set my eyes on heaven, to resolve in my heart to be obedient to the will of the Lord, even when I cannot see where I'm headed. Because, you see, I have overcome much in life, not by the power of my positive thinking or strength of my own will but by the power of grace. I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good (Psalm 34:8). I have experienced inexplicable peace (Phill. 4:7) in the midst of great anguish, in the middle of dark swirling fear. I have felt the redemptive power of forgiveness and repentance in my life. I have been set free from heavy chains that bound me in ways I wasn't even fully aware of. I have been brought up from the depths of muck and mire (Psalm 40:2) by nail scarred hands that had long desired for me to reach up, into the arms of a loving Savior, who'd called to me in my stumbling darkness. I have experienced the living Word of God in my life (Heb. 4:12), not simply words on a page of some ancient book, but living breathing truth. My heart is free, my life full of joy, even when it's hard, even when there is heartbreak, even when fear pounds on my doorstep. These past few months have felt very much like a boxing match for my family, feels like we have been hit on all sides, I've cried many tears, but you know what? God is still here, he has never left my side, he has gone before and followed behind me (Deut. 31:8), I feel him, his peace, his comfort, his joy. So, once again, I will fix my eyes on him, set my face upon what is true, surrender my heartache to the loving arms of my Jesus and resolve to not only survive 2013 (and every year) but to grow in the Lord, share the goodness of God, learn, love as Christ himself loved and cherish every moment of this life. Whatever my time here is, I want to be used mightily by God, to love those put in my path fiercely and experience every good gift from my heavenly Father.

"I’ve told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I’ve conquered the world.” 

John 16:33 (Msg)