Frustration & Grace

I've have been so frustrated lately! My digestion never seems to be able to behave itself for more than a minute, can be so hypersensitive to any accidental allergen exposure and when it does go haywire I feel (and look) like I've gained a bunch of weight, which never helps anyone feel better. I am weary of reading every label, never eating out and still managing to find random things in random places that upset my stomach, bloat my belly and leave me, well frustrated. My recent stint of accidental exposure (to corn in the gelatin in new food enzymes capsules- yeah I know) threw my system for such a loop I am starting to wonder if it will ever recover. I know, of course, that I am being melodramatic (I blame it one hormones, which also mess with my guts), I know that there are many who suffer much worse and I try to remind myself to be thankful, somedays that's just hard to do. So (big sigh), what have I decided to do? Pray. Simple, easy answer, I don't know why it's so hard to come up with sometimes. I decided it was time to take my frustration to the One who cares about how I feel, even I think it's "too little" for Him to concern Himself with. The truth is, He wants me to, it's about being in relationship with Him. Do I not talk to my besties about my guts? Sure do (lucky girls ;-). So why wouldn't I turn to the One who created my body and all it's systems? Here are the conclusions I've reached (with a lot of supernatural prompting)...
Many people have told me that they allergies will go away, many of those people have experienced this wonderful event. I know that God can heal, don't doubt it for a second...but sometimes He doesn't. Not so long ago I would have assumed He wouldn't, not for me anyway, I spent many years failing to see the love He has for me. I never doubted His healing, just doubted His healing for me. I know now that this is about as big a lie as I could tell myself, God loves me just as much as Lazarus, whom He called forth from the grave (John 11:1-48). One of my favorite verses says "He will take delight in me with gladness...He will rejoice over you with songs" Zephaniah 3:17 (in part). The Creator of the universe rejoicing over me? You betcha and He rejoices over you as well. So I believe that if healing from my allergies is in His plan, it will happen, without a doubt. But what if it isn't? Then what?
The Bible says God has a plan for all of us, plans to prosper us, not for harm, His plans are to give us a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). His word says that I was created by Him for a specific purpose, "For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago" Ephesians 2:10. If He choses not to heal me of my allergies it is simply because He has another plan in mind for my life. What exactly it is I don't know, but what I do know is this; the things I have walked through in the last year, my allergies being a big part of that, have brought me closer to Him. They brought me to a place of surrender, and when I did surrender, the joy, peace, grace and mercy I found waiting for me where beyond my comprehension. My battle with allergies has given me a new understanding for the things we put in our bodies, how I have treated my body, His temple, and opened up a new passion in my life for helping others with the same issues. Honestly, before my own allergies I really couldn't have cared less about the whole issue, now I am considering writing to my congressmen/woman to take up the cause of requiring food companies to label corn as an allergen as well. My experience with my allergies has opened up many, many avenues of conversation with others that repeatedly have led me to talk about the things God has done in my life.
I truly believe that is the tip of the ice berg, the beginning of many things to come, where God uses me through the things I've walked through, allergies included. He reminds me often of how far I have come, not to rehash the past, but because I sometimes try to go back there. Sometimes, like these past few weeks, I start to settle in the place where I feel sorry for myself, sing my "woe is me" song, lament the breads, pastas, and corn chips I may never again have. He reminds me that He has a purpose for my life, one that only I can fulfill. He reminds me that He will walk with me every step of the way, until the day I return to Him (Philippians 1:6)  giving me the strength to complete the tasks He has set before me (Philippains 2:13). So, if that means I will never eat another donut (which probably wouldn't kill me even if He did heal me:), it'll be ok, because what He has in mind for me is much greater than what I think I have in mind for myself.


Epilogue: Hahaha, an epilogue at the end of a blog (I did not rhyme those on purpose), that's ok right? I'm doing it anyway, it's my blog I can do what I want ;-). Anyway, I have to confess that after I wrote this blog last night I had a mini-meltdown over my stomach bothering me a little after dinner. I couldn't remember what I might have eaten to make it upset and was just annoyed. There were many other factors involved in my cry-fest, it wasn't all about my stomach, but it was the straw so to speak. I am sharing this to let you in on a secret, I am human lol. All the things I said above are still the truth, the real truth and how I really feel or want to feel daily about this whole situation. God is good, always good, He loves me, really loves me, and His plans for my life are good. So, even in those times where I have a little tear party I remind myself of what is true, wipe my eyes and chose to give thanks to the One who gave me life, my family, and so much more.