A Year of Jubilee

Somewhere a long the span of my years I picked up that the idea that a "year of jubilee" was a year of abundance, you know, you have lots of stuff. I am not sure where the idea formed in my head, but I guess on some shallow level I figured jubilee = stress free life because you have everything you need. Embarrassing to admit, but it's true. Yesterday, as I read through Leviticus 25, I realized I was wrong about what a year of jubilee really was, pretty far off actually. Every 50 years the Jewish people were to celebrate a year of jubilee, here are the observations I made about it, based on God's instructions for his people.
1.) It was to be a year of total dependence and trust in the Lord. They were not to sow their crops, they were not to tend their vines, they had to depend entirely on what the land yielded on its own and what they had stored from the previous year, God promised to provide what they needed. Can you imagine? At least going into their first year of jubilee I imagine there was some anxiety as to whether or not God would provide for the entire year (and into the next as they would have had no crops to store). We are human, and to relinquish control of our lives completely and submit to God's will whole heartedly are not among our strong points. We tend to want to see the proof he's going to provide before we take the plunge. Nonetheless, this is what God asked of the Israelites.
2.) People were to return to the land of their ancestors, the land that God had given them.
3.) People were to reunite with family during the year of jubilee.
4.) Slaves were given their freedom!

There are more aspects of the year of jubilee but these are the ones I am sharing because of their impact on my heart. As I read through the chapter it struck me, I have been living in a year of jubilee. To make it easy to see what I mean 'll number my experiences in accordance with my observations above...
1.) The past year I have had to completely let go of the reigns of my life and submit to God. I'll admit for me to do this I had to fall to my knees because walking in my own strength brought me to it. I was in such a state, a combination of physical illness and years of never really learning to cope, that I just had to sit back and say "your will God". I wasn't sure if I was going to make it, but what I learned was that God's provision was more than enough. The outpouring of his grace, mercy and love for me was almost overwhelming at times and together we walked through what seemed to be an unyielding year, only to discover I was blessed beyond measure.
2.) I took back what God had given me,  the "land" that had been stolen by years of self-doubt, fear and insecurity. I have walked for many years in the notion that I have no gifts, no "real merit". It sounds strange probably, but I really didn't see the beauty of the things God had placed in my heart to be used by him in the hearts of others. I didn't see the peace that dwells within me, God given peace, because I was too consumed with fear and worry. I can remember driving one time, battling panic and praying "God give me peace!". He so softly spoke to me "you have peace Renee, just take hold of it".  Instantly I was like, "ooohhh" and the panic was gone. There are many things I am learning about myself that I didn't know before, or had forgotten, it has been a neat journey to discover them and begin to walk out that truth, to walk in the land God has given me :).
3.) This analogy may be more difficult for you to see, but I saw this return to family as a return to roots. Whether you have an awesome family or maybe not so much, our experiences growing up shape us. Do you see what I mean by a return to your roots? Either way, that's how I saw it. This year has been a time of returning to my roots, my foundation of faith. I've had to tear down the shaky walls I built based on my experience, find the foundation (the word of God) and begin to rebuild based on total truth, not the distortion of faith I had built for myself. I am not saying I didn't believe in God, I did, I have my whole life but as I have said on this blog before, I didn't really believe that God was who he says he was for me. That little lie can have a big impact on our faith. Now I know he is who is for all of us, regardless of who we are or where we've been.
4.) Ahhh this is my favorite! For a slave to be set free his/her chains must be broken, and there have been many broken chains in my life!! The largest of these is fear, fear fear fear...I've spent most of my life afraid really, in one form or another (even my shyness, what is it really but a fear of people?). The funny thing is, in order for me to fully recognize how great an impact fear had in my life it had to reach a point where I didn't think that conquering it would ever be possible. At its crescendo I was afraid to drive in my car, or go to the store because I had experienced so many panic attacks I was literally afraid of fear. Without the Lord helping me to walk in obedience to him, I very easily could have become an agoraphobic, and I am not exaggerating. Thankfully, I had determined (and God gave me the tenacity to cling on) that I was not going to become someone trapped by fear, only to realized in many ways I already had been, not as dramatically of course. By walking through it, the chain of fear has been broken in my life along with many more. Imagine the impact of a person being set free from slavery, what happens to that person's future generations? They are also set free! I believe what God will do, as a result of my chains being broken, is beyond my limited human understanding and reaches farther than I can imagine. I have already seen the changes in my oldest, who struggles with fear just like his mama did, they are incredible to watch and I am SO thankful God brought me through.

So there you have it, what a year it has been! It hasn't always been easy, especially in the beginning, I said before, I am sure going into their first year of jubilee the Israelites were a bit uncertain of what would happen. God came through, above and beyond my comprehension, just as he provided for them. I cannot express my gratitude for walking through this past year and my incredible, overwhelming love for the One who brought me through this year of jubilee!