Motivated Monday

This was a rough rough week. I'll be honest, the title of this post should be time to get re-Motivated Monday lol . I didn't count a single calorie this week, never logged onto my Livestrong page, didn't break out my measuring cups, didn't think about what I was eating. I have a good reason for that, I was sick with strep, my husband had strep, my oldest was recovering from strep and my youngest was fighting it (he had infantigo, strep on his face, blech). Most of the week I know I didn't eat too many calories, even if most of the ones I had were from ice cream and popsicles. I just didn't want to deal with all the tracking and measuring with all the other stuff I had going on, so I didn't. I am not mad at myself for it, only bummed it all happened when it did. That's life though right? Rather than focus on the things I failed to do this week I am going to share the things I did do, that make it clear to me my long fought battle with my mind/food has not been in vain.

1.) When I started to feel better I didn't go hog wild on eating, I still ate ice cream everyday but not a ton.

2.) Although many many times I thought to myself "I might as well have pizza (my homemade kind) since I've lost track this week anyway" or "I really want potato chips, what difference does it make now?" or "I think I'll make cookies (or scones) so I can have them now before I have to go back to counting"...I didn't do it. I did make cookies, but because I have to have different chocolate chips I only left myself enough dough for two. So that's what I had, two cookies, and that's not going to break anybody's bank.

3.) Finally, I didn't feel guilty all week. I did not let myself feel guilty. Too many times in my life have I felt shame over what I put in my mouth, shame. Do you know what shame means?

• The painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc.
• A fact or circumstance bringing disgrace or regret
• A painful emotion caused by the conciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety

Disgrace, shortcoming, dishonorable, improper!! What about liking food a little too much should invoke this emotion? I am tired of viewing my weight issues as shortcomings, I am human, am I not? We all have areas where we struggle, it doesn't make me a bad person. I am tired of living under the cloud of shame & guilt, SO tired, so I'm going to walk away from it. I don't need it, nobody does. It's certainly not the way my Saviour wants me to walk, he didn't give his life so I can live in shame over eating a cookie or two (or five)!!

It may seem I have gotten off topic, and maybe I have a bit. The truth is, I see the way I look at myself in regards to food as a form of bondage, because it is. I don't see myself clearly at all through the glasses of "picture perfect" this world would like us to wear and wearing them binds me to a certain ideal of who I should be. Who I should be, according to those glasses, then leads me to think a certain way about food, think about food too much. Before I know it, it's all about me.all.the.time. I wrap so much of who I am in this image that when I do anything that pushes me further away from that "picture perfect" me, I feel shame. Ahhhhh!! So much of my life the past 10 months has been about finding freedom from old mindsets, I have found so much freedom from old mindsets, why should this one be any different?

So, as I start a new week I am going to take off those glasses, my hope is for good. I want to lose some weight, but not to be better according to the world, but to live a healthier life for myself and my kids. I am not going to feel guilty if I indulged too much one day and I am going to pray that everyday God will show me, through new glasses, a beautiful me, the me HE sees so that I can cut this chain, and walk away...forever.

Week 4: +11