A Challenge

I have realized in recent months that I have spent a large part of my life operating under a false identity. No, I am not talking "super spy" false identities. What I mean is I have had the wrong sense of self for many years. I think most of us struggle with this nearly everyday of our lives at least one time in our life, likely many more than that. It stems from many different things for different people, but the ultimate result is the same, we fail to see ourselves as others see us and most of all, as God our Father sees us. We often come to false conclusions about others and God as a result. Am I being confusing? Let me put it into an example of my life in order to better explain...
I am hard on myself, really hard on myself. I cannot tell you the number of times a day I think something negative about myself; my body, my recent actions, my parenting, etc... I am not constantly concerned with it but I just randomly think things or mutter things to myself that are not often kind and, honestly, I wasn't even aware of it until my husband, in exasperation, told me to knock it off until recently. This not-so-great view of myself makes it difficult for me to fully believe that my husband loves me as much as he says he does, it makes it difficult for me to accept compliments from people, affects my friendships at times when I assume someone is mad at me or thinks I am stupid. Why would I assume so? Well, I often think I have screwed up somehow (I have also recently realized I apologize for the silliest things!) Or I am stupid, why wouldn't they think so? Most of all, most importantly, this skewed view of myself affects how I view God. His word is full of wonderful truths about how He feels about me but I have, often in the past, had a hard time believing they were true for me. It's not because I doubt that God is real or the bible is true, just that according to my view of myself, the things He says could not possibly pertain to me. As if I knew more about myself then He, the Creator who knew me even when He made the stars, could know because if He did surely He couldn't love me like He says He does. I know in my head that this is a lie I've believed for many years, I want to know it in my heart. To believe 100% all the wonderful things in the bible are not just for other "more special" people, but for me too, because the truth is they are.

SO, does all that make better sense? That all being said, here's my challenge (to us both), it's a two parter. First I am going to read the Father's Love Letter, every day for a week (I'm starting with a week, hopefully moving it up to a month). You can find it here, or here (if you want the one page, written like a letter printable version). It's a beautiful compilation of scripture that perfectly describes the heart of God for you. If you are not a believer, check it out anyway, it really gets the most important aspect of Christianity in a "nutshell" and lists all the scriptures so you can check them out for yourself if you desire. I want the Truth to be engrained in my psychy, so on those days when I struggle with things I can pull them out of the filing cabinets in my brain and say "oh no, uh-uh, that is not the Truth of how God feels about you or about who you are".
The second part is going to be a little harder I think for two reasons a) it is not my mental "go to" and b) I have to be nice to myself. Here's my plan, I am going to list 10 things I like about myself below. I am not doing this, or sharing these to "toot my own horn" but because I want accountability (ahem, those of you I see often). Every time I start to think something negative about myself, I am going to say something positive instead. Every time I walk in front of a mirror and think "blech" I am going to make myself think "beautiful" or "princess" or "fearfully and wonderfully made" instead. My goal, as with the first part of my challenge, is to make this my new thought process. I suspect, my little exercise will have dramatic, life changing results. How we see ourselves so deeply affects every area of our lives, I figure it's about high time I give myself a break.

1. Loyal
2. Tenacious-I didn't realize I had this attribute until recently. God has shown me that the tenacity He instilled in me was at work many times in my life, keeping me from things. It also has been a tool used by Him to help me work through some rough patches, especially in recent years.
3. Excitable-by this I mean I can still get as excited about an upcoming event now as I did when I was five...really, it's true & fun
4. Joyful-it's my nature, I don't always operate under this but at my core it's who I am. 
5. Encouraging
6. Compassionate
7. Loving
8. Transparent-at least I feel like I am, I am not perfect, but I try to be honest about myself with others
9. Intuitive- I have a gift for seeing past what someone says or does to their motives. 
10. I'm a good mom- I struggle with this sometimes but if I really boil it down, I know that I am. I chose this one to remind myself because it's an easy one to forget, especially in today's world with 500 different opinions on how to raise your kids the "right way". 

There, 10 things I like about myself. I encourage you to make a list of things you like about yourself, ask friends and family if you have a hard time with it. Remind yourself of these things when you start to be really down on yourself. We all make mistakes sometimes, I am not saying ignore your faults, it's good to be in constant improvement of ourselves, it's the human condition. Every day of this life I have here on earth will be about learning more about God, more about who He created to be and moving forward in an effort to be more like Him. I'll never get all the way there, it will always be a process, but I think a big step forward for me will be fully believing Him, fully trusting Him and I think this challenge will help get me there. Won't you join me?