My Heart's Cry

To love God, to love people. To walk in humility, live by faith. To extend grace, mercy & forgiveness. To share truth, joy, hope & peace. To see lives transformed, hearts healed, people set free. There are times I will stumble, times I will fall, when I do He will be there to help me back up and I will dust myself off and try again. Ever changing, ever moving forward. Why? Because this is my heart's delight, my life's ambition, my passion...it is who I am and what I was created to do. ♥

Life in the Sticks: Crazy Moose

I love living out of the way a bit here in Wasilla. Technically, I guess, I don't even live in Wasilla but that's what we consider our "hometown" anyway. We live about 5 miles north, then 4 miles off the main drag (for those that don't know Ak, there aren't any "freeways" in the traditional sense and really only four main highways), 2 miles of dirt road...anyway, rambling back to the point :), we are a bit out of the way. We are blessed to have 30 acres of Alaskan wood & meadow and because we do, we see a lot of wildlife around here. Our favorite is the moose, we love moose. Last night I was able to catch a first for me, two cows with calves, apparently, too close for one another's comfort. These pictures were taken in my back yard, I am on my patio and they are less than 50 yards from me. It.was.awesome. Check it out....

Cow on left, with calf out of shot, spots cow on right (one of two babies in shot).

They move toward each other, note one's ears are down already (sign of aggression).

Both ears are down now. This actually happened really fast, I didn't have time to mess with settings, so the shots are all a but out of focus. 

Finally BOOM! I cannot express enough how BUMMED I was this was blurry, I was just snapping too quickly! Even so, you can see that one cow reared up on the other who promptly took off with calf behind her. I have seen both cows around a lot lately so I have set my camera to action and am keeping it handy just in case. 

Pretty incredible, huh? For some more fun moose stories check out the winter we got our trucks continually "custom cleaned" by our resident moose here (and pardon the repeat about 30 acres, it was written two years ago I think).

33 Memories for 33 Years: Part 2

I know you have been on pins & needles waiting for "the sequel" ;-), if you missed the first set click here, or ya know just glance to your right & click the link ;-). I'll be honest, some of these will be multi-memories together because the more I write, the more I love to remember. I actually think I will be doing a "regular" post with random memories, and by "regular" I mean when I think about them and have the time, not every Monday is "Monday Memories" :). As much as I hope to blog regularly I also know that I get busy with living and don't always remember to. So anyhoo....enjoy....

21.) When David surprised me in his kitchen with a ring and a proposal :). I knew he was planning on asking me but I was not prepared when he did. Best yes I ever uttered :)

22.) The crazy week of my wedding. We had so many friends and family piled into by parent's 2000 ft2 ranch that us "young-ins'" were in the back in tents, separated by boys & girls. That's right I spent my wedding eve in a tent, and had a blast!! It was a fun, busy, stressful and awesome week! The northern lights even came out (in August- nuts!) the night before we got married, it was pretty cool. My wedding day was great, although I admit all I really cared about was getting married to the long haired, guitar playing, tender hearted, funny, sweet, Jesus loving man standing at the front waiting for me. A lot of things went awry on our wedding day; my hair took 2.5 hours to fix (yeah, I know) making me late, my little flower girls/ring bearer didn't want to walk (cut them slack they were little:), the church being out of communion supplies so we had communion with Dr. Pepper & croutons (I was not aware of this before it actually happened, I was quite surprised to find DP instead of grape juice and crunched that crouton LOUD hahaha). My favorite mishap memory of the day is my grandma getting lost on the way to the reception, which was near her house, so she drove home to get her cordless phone to drive around with in case someone called looking for her. She did eventually find the place, thank goodness, and the memory of her antics with the phone still make me smile (and are classic Bebe, to read more about her click here). 

23.) The Door...so many great memories being a part of the worship team for The Door (a non-denominational service geared toward younger folks when I was in college). Man, you guys were so awesome. Here's a few memories off the top of my head, Tim starting "Lord You're Beautiful" fast and when he realized his mistake he just laid down on the drum set, Jeff's guitar strap coming loose mid-song and the neck of it hitting him in the face, me totally missing the last step and falling off the stage flat onto my face after a set, I crawled to my seat hahahaha. I loved singing with you (you know who you are) talented ladies, worshiping the Lord together, trips to Hermiston, hours in the basement (a recording studio where we made a cd, not a torture chamber haha)...Man I miss those days sometimes!!

24.) Playing Cranium with friends and the day Narm acted our Michael Jackson...oh man, think I almost peed myself!

25.) Girls nights, pumpkin carving, gingerbread house making, watching scary movies (remember "Jeepers Creepers" Megan? And Steph sitting up saying "sure it's all super creepy until the bad guy sprouts a wing!". Julia & my (not on the same day!) bachelorette parties should be included here, however late in the time line they may or may not be. So.much.fun. 

26.) Graduating from college, I was one of the first in my family. I got to make a trip to my grandmother's before the big day with my parents, sis and nieces and later my cousin and aunt showed up to support me too. It was a good week!

27.)Saying goodbye to Oregon, it was so so hard to leave and yet we knew God was leading us somewhere else. I remember David dismantling the giant desk he had built for me and loading it up for Kristen to take home. We had the first yard sale I'd ever done myself and it was so hard to let go of some things, but in the end it was only stuff. As much as I miss Oregon (& my friends/family there!) I still know, 8 years later almost (wow!) that here is where we are meant to be. I love Alaska, David has grown to love it and thankfully we have many friends and family (& a great church!) here to soften the longing for our distant family and friends.

28.) Finding out I was finally pregnant with my first born! It had taken nearly a year to get pregnant and testing was in our near future. Eight months later my handsome, sweet Isaiah was born. Life has never been the same and we are both SO thankful for that. 

29.) The birth of our second son, Joshua. He was such a strong big guy from the start, and so beautiful (just like his brother). He has been a blessing, and I love having two little men in the house. I always wanted two boys, I love to watch them interact as brothers (ok, most of the time, lets keep it real, peeling them off each other in the middle of a grocery store is not so awesome HA!). Both my boys are so sweet and loving, I am such a blessed momma!

30.) Family camping trips! Oh, and the girls camping trips. Both are an annual tradition, although the last few years it seems like at least one of them as not happened, much to my sadness. They make up some of my favorite camping memories...Family Trips: David accidentally shooting my sister in the butt with a pellet gun, a fierce thunderstorm one night while we tried to set up, getting flooded out of one spot and being forced to camp in our friend's yard (while they were away) because it was Memorial Day weekend and no one had vacancies... Girl's Trips: hanging out late into the night laughing till our faces hurt, watching the 4th of July parade in Homer with some very excited candy nabbing kids, watching eagles from up close & catching a glimpse of a local legend the Time Bandit...

31.) Turning 30, having two of my best friends from college here (Karey & Julia) to celebrate and being totally surprised by a party full of friends and family at a local bouncy house!! It was mostly all adults and IT.WAS.FUN. That whole week was pretty awesome having Karey & Julia (& Jack, Karey's second youngest boy) here, we had such a wonderful time together. 

32.) Our first trip to Hawaii last spring. We had SUCH a wonderful time snorkeling, playing on the beach, playing cards with David's mom & dad. Our kids loved it and so did we. 

33.) Lastly (for now:), the joint birthday slumber party (with Sarah of course:) with some of my favorite girls. We had such a great night, laughing so much my face started to hurt. I am so blessed to know so many incredible women! To make it all even cooler, Karey showed up as a TOTAL surprise and was here for a whole week with her newest little man. I was SO SO happy to have her here, time with her is always well spent:). My actual birthday too was pretty great, spent the day with some of my best friends, drinking coffee (free for my bday!), having lunch. I probably mentioned all that in my first post but since I can't remember and don't want to close out and check, let's just pretend I didn't :). 

Birthday slumber party for Sarah & I with some awesome women!

Birthday coffee & lunch with some of my besties. I am so lucky!

33 Memories for 33 Years: Part 1

Just last week I turned 33. It seems impossible that I am already in my mid-30s, as I feel as young as I ever have, but the fact remains I am. This year was a fantastic one for me, one of my best friends from college surprised me by showing up at my house at 11 pm for a week long visit! I also had plans for a slumber party, joint birthday with my cousin (& bestie from forever:) and a posse of our friends, kid free! In celebration of my 33 years, I've decided to share 33 memories with you. Now, these are not from each year of my life (I hope that would be obvious:) nor is it likely I'll be running them in chronological order, please I am just not that organized :). There are good ones, sad ones, funny ones, etc... literary snapshots from my life thus far. Here are the first 20...turns out 33 is a lot to list all at once. Didn't want to take all of your time :)

1.)The day I asked Jesus into my heart. I think I was about five. I know I was young because my memory of this event is distorted, it must be how I felt, rather than what actually happened. In my memory only my mom & the pastor are in the church, the rest of the pews empty, as I am the second of four children the odds this is how it was are slim :). It doesn't really matter anyway, I know that I felt the presence of God and fully understood what I was asking and my life has been forever guided by that decision. 

2.) Watching "Star Wars" up on "the farm" (Pitchfork Ranch, Palmer) with my cousins. My aunt would let us go to the "grab what you want" candy bins at our local grocery and take us back up to sit, watch & eat to our hearts content (she must have been nuts haha). 

3.) Getting bit in the bootie by Fancy, my cousin's horse, also on the farm. I was just sitting on the fence, minding my own business, talking to Tommy (cousin, not his horse though:) when YEEOWW! I launched off that fence and half ran/half hobbled into the house, screaming like a banshee I am sure. It hurt for days, that was one gnarly bruise. To this day I am still not certain what possessed her. 

4.) Falling off the punching bag we used to swing on (yes I said swing on:) in the basement of our home. I was the unfortunate one who climbed aboard last, and the screw that had already come lose finally gave way and I dropped to the floor, punching bag on my stomach. That hurt a lot too HA!

5.) Playing "Smurfs" with my best friend Samantha, we would break sticks into tiny pieces use them as smurfs, and play in mushroom patches for hours. 

6.) My joint slumber party with Sarah (my cousin mentioned above, we have lots of parties together:), where we gals got ourselves so scared the slightest sound outside caused us to pile up in the entry way  in an attempt to all get inside, forcing the doorknob right through the wall. Whoops!
7.) Being in Denali Park, walking out on a trail with my cousins Sarah & Kimberly when the people at the buses above us yelled "you girls better get up here, there's a BEAR!". I looked over just in time to see the sow and her cubs racing down the ravine to our right headed STRAIGHT for us. My poor cousin from West Virginia (Kimberly) was freaking out, while Sarah tried to keep us calm. Needless to say, we survived, but I think that's the closest I've come to wetting my pants HA!
8.) Dancing in the kitchen with my daddy (yes, my daddy) many many times growing up and how he would sing "How Much is that Doggie in the Window" while getting ready for church.

9.) Every wonderful, loud, musical and joyous family holiday when I was growing up. We don't have them nearly as much anymore, we have gotten SO big, and it's not quite the same when you are the one doing all the work ;-) but they encompass many of my very favorite moments growing up. We kids would eat until we felt like popping, lay around until we had some room, gorge on desserts and egg nog and wait some more :). One of my favorites was (again:) up on the farm, my uncle made up new lyrics to "Up on the Housetop" and we all laughed and laughed. I can still remember the words...

10.) My first few weeks in a new high school, somewhere I did not want to be. I felt so outcast as many of the students had known each other for ages, not to mention I had made a vow to myself not to make friends (you know, in protest for being there at all). I'll never forget my locker neighbor and his persistence in befriending me, which led to more friendships and complete obliteration of my vow to remain friendless. In the end, I loved Kenai and have friendships still from that time. 

11.) Making All-Northwest honor choir my senior year of high school and getting to spend time in Seattle, I'd never been!

12.) Speaking of choir, how about every moment when you are a part of an ensemble and everyone is singing just right...the sound is incredible. I miss that.

13.) The day I was pulled out of English class to be told my dad was coming to get me because my grandfather had just passed away. It was not unexpected, as he had fallen ill a few months earlier, but it was still hard. I love my grandpa and still miss him.
14.) Senior graduation, getting to sing with Kenya, rocking out to Mary Pain..Payne (can't remember the spelling, sorry guys, I can still sing the songs:), the rec center after. Such a fun night!

15.) Spending my first night away from home in a new state, totally terrified about being on my own. Thankfully, my cousin Tommy and I attended the same college, he was less freaked (or at least appeared to be) than I. He was sweet enough to forgo going out with the friend he knew (who's house we were staying at the first night) and stay in with me, assuring me it would all be fine. 

16.) The day a small quiet girl from choir class came over and introduced herself as Julia, 30 seconds later becoming my best friend & constant companion in college... (it *might* have been slightly longer than that, but not much:).
17.) Swing dancing with Tommy during college dances. Or the time he rescued me from some guy that wouldn't stop trying to bump and grind me by dancing in between us and dragging me away.
18.) A night at the drive in with friends, including this guy David I had gotten to know a little over the recent months and my sudden awareness that I liked sitting next to him (& secretly hoped he would reach for my hand:). Later he walked with me during my assigned leg of the Relay for Life, we were supposed to walk an hour (from 1-2am), I think we walked four :).
19.) My first night back for my sophomore year of college and Julia, who was supposed to be away with YWAM turned up to surprise me AND ask if I could be in her WEDDING!
20.) Julia's wedding day and the little ring bearer farting...I did NOT think I was going to maintain my composure in front of the whole church. 

 STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT 13 !....PS. Turns out they were mostly in chronological order HA

Twelve Years...But Who's Counting?

I am a little behind on blog posts...again, but I really want to work on re-prioritizing my time to make time to blog more. I really do enjoy it and have had SO MANY ideas floating around, I seem to always get distracted when I sit down to actually put thoughts to ummm.. keyboard? So, although this is a few weeks late I am going to share it anyway, cause I can and you can't stop me ;-)....


ANNNDD now I am even later because somebody's best friend showed up as a TOTAL surprise for her birthday and I had NOT finished the post I started hahaha. Oh well, that's the best kind of distraction :) (and I'll talk about it soon:). SO....here I am, starting again...again


August 12th my husband and I celebrated our 12th year of marriage. I can hardly believe that it's been that long, but since we got married in '00 and I have to write the date every day practically I can hardly deny the '12. It seems like life is always moving forward so rapidly I can hardly keep track but here we are, 12 years after our "I dos". This year we were blessed to get an entire weekend to ourselves. Finances being tighter this year (who's aren't?) we decided to save the money and stick close to home. We spent a day bumming around Anchorage, had lunch (free! Thanks to a forgotten Christmas gift card:) and doing a little shopping, a precious little, neither of us are shoppers:). The second day we went hiking in one of my very favorite places, Hatcher's Pass, on the Reed Lakes trail. It was SO great to be outside, even if the weather was a bit foggy, plus we got a lot of chat time...well at least when we weren't scaling the mountain or the GIANT boulder field. I told David the next time we take that trail I was going to hobble his stride to match mine (he's 6'3", I'm 5'5") so he was forced to travel at my speed haha. Still, it was a good day and even though we didn't make it all the way to the lower lake (poor signage & increasing fog) it was fun and a wonderful reminder that while we are partners, parents, etc... we are also still best friends.

I think it's important for married couples to spend time alone together doing FUN things, not just housework/chores. It's a great way to keep track of your marital health, if you reach a point where you don't really want to spend time like this, it's time to evaluate your relationship. Maintaining a long, happy and healthy marriage requires work, diligence, a willingness to check yourself, your motives, a willingness to listen to your spouses concerns, flexibility. Life is dynamic, ever changing, ever moving, it has ebbs and flows, struggles and joys, if we cannot adjust our relationships to suite this fact of life, they struggle and often fail. If we lose sight of why we got married to our spouse in the first place, or the things we love to love about them, we can easily become self-focused and, again, our relationships suffer. I am not saying that I have gotten this right, by any means. In all transparency, there was a time where I did very little of the things I have just advised. I became very self focused in my marriage, our struggles became all about his failings and nothing about my own. I lost sight of many of the wonderful things about my husband, choosing to focus on the things he wasn't doing in our relationship or in his own life, rather than choosing to focus on his many good qualities and lifting him in prayer for the things he struggled with. Note that I emphasized the fact that it was my choice to think about the negative and not the positive. When life is hard, when we face trials in life/relationships, we have a choice to make, to chose to focus on our blessings, in spite of our struggles, or to chose to focus on our struggles. We do get to decide, believe it or not. I am so thankful that after walking through my own struggles, God lovingly showed me areas of my own heart that needed some work. As I began to work through those issues, my focus shifted in my marriage. It wasn't about his failings, his negative qualities anymore, I was able to see my own part in our difficulties and when I started to take responsibility for them, things changed. My heart changed toward David, whom I have always loved but didn't always appreciate as I should, things are so much better and getting better every day.

I know that if we are going to last a lifetime together (which I fully intend to do) there will be times where we are less connected, times when we feel like one being...it's part of the ebs and flows of relationship. I do believe, that so long as we put God center, make our relationship always a priority, are open and transparent with each other, chose to focus on the good things and pray for one another we will make it. I can promise this, so long as I have breath I am certainly going to try to do it right. David is an incredible man, I believe God put us together, what I have with him I could never have with another. I am blessed and I will remember...

Heading up

At the top of the first ridge

There were an insane amount of BOULDERS to climb over & around.

Where we thought we were supposed to stop hahaha

Heading back down

Beautiful place...