Heartbreak

Last Friday, my heart was broken. What started as a normal morning was quickly marred by the terrible news that someone had walked into an elementary school and shot up children and teachers. Children. Cold blooded murder is terrible enough but it is something beyond comprehension when it's children. I spent that day and the next (and the next...) weeping off and on, praying in earnest for those who lost their loved ones, for the young lives never to be lived out, for the heroic teachers who sacrificed themselves for the sake of the children in their care, even for a young man so lost he committed the unthinkable. Even as I write this I weep. What tragedy, what indefinable loss, I simply cannot imagine nor will I pretend I can understand.

And then, it started. Post after post, article after article, news reel after news reel. The media, the politicians, all kinds of activists, religious leaders, down to the "common man". People spouting their opinions, offering their "why" theories, pushing their agendas...gun control, mental health, wrath of God, hatred of God, I've heard so many, many different takes (and I've been trying to stay away from it!). The "blame game" started, blame God, blame guns, blame parents, blame mental health workers, etc...People attacking each other in comments, over poems, over articles, over the second amendment, and my heart ached even more.

I wonder if we will ever see how easily we perpetuate conflict, how readily we do it, how eagerly we do it? I wonder what it would be like, if for a time, we simply grieved for those lives lost so needlessly, so tragically. I wonder if we could just set aside our personal opinions and agenda for a period to mourn with the broken hearted. Is it too much to ask to share a little love with one another, even if we disagree? Especially after an event that should open our eyes to what blessings we share. What if we didn't pick apart every second of what happened in some obsessive need to know the details? What if we simply remembered the heroic deeds of those teachers, that principle, and honored them. What if we simply remembered those tiny faces? What if we remember to cherish our own loved ones because we never really know how long we have them, or they us? What if we pray, fervent heartfelt, soul aching prayers for those families, that community, this nation? What if we don't offer explanation for the unexplainable? Or need to know every detail of that young man's life, as if it is all of our business, to "understand" why? Truly, would it matter? Is there anything we could learn that would lessen the horror of what happened? Is there any information we could glean that would make sense of it?

These are merely some of my thoughts on it all. There have been many. I do not claim not to have done some of the things I mention above myself, at least in my own mind or conversations with friends and family. I am human, and I understand our nature. I know these kinds of tragedies cause us to think, to reflect, to problem solve. I believe they should do all of those things, I just feel that maybe, for a time we, as a nation could simply make a choice to honor those victims by laying aside all our junk and weep, wail and mourn. If action must be taken in some form or another to help prevent such a thing from happening again, then let us take it, but not right now. Let's not add to grief by plastering "what if's" or "we should have" or even spouting bad theology (I do not believe this was God's punishment to our country! I won't do what I've talked about by going on but I have to make it clear, there is a lot of false preaching going on right now).

Let us be heartbroken, let us grieve, let us remember to be thankful for what we have. To live in the moment. To love. To cherish. I, for one, will do my best to do just that. And I will take the broken pieces of my heart to the One who binds up the brokenhearted.

The Thankful Tree

HOORAY! Blogger doesn't dislike me anymore! I've had lots of things I have wanted to share but for whatever reason blogger wasn't letting me upload anything. Anyhoo...

This year I was actually on the ball and we made a thankful tree to keep track of things we were thankful for during the month of November. I found some dead branches outside, put them in a mason jar, wrapped a short battery operated set of white twinkle lights (and then wrapped the jar in ribbon to attempt to "hide" the battery pack, we will be doing something a little different next year!), then cut small circles with hole punches in them to hang on the tree with the things we (ok the boys pretty much) were thankful for. It was a fun activity and I loved hearing my boys come up with their "thankfuls" as they called them. The first few days I had to restrain Isaiah & Joshua from filling the tree at once, which made my heart happy. Toward the end of the month they were less enthusiastic and came up with some funny stuff to be thankful for. Bet you can't guess which ones came at the end of the month ;-).  At any rate, in no order, here they are...

• Papa (my dad)
• Snow 
• Daddy
• Earth
• Lego Star Wars (I was not clear if this was the Wii game or the actual legos haha)
• Play set (this summer my husband built them a wonderful play set for the back yard)
• Shop (they love to go out there with their dad and do...well whatever little boys do with a shop full of stuff)
• Zion (cousin)
• Cereal 
• World
• Food & water 
• Mommy
• God
• Legos
• Kayla (cousin)
• Abby (cousin)
• Candy
• Jesus 
• Isaiah (Joshua added this one)
• House
• Papa John (David's dad)
• iPad
• Snow (we got about 6 inches today!!)
• Kenzie (cousin)
• Games
• My boys (I added one or two)
• Coffee (two haha)
• Dogs
• My friends
• Gma Becky (David's mom)
• Thanksgiving
• Power (as in electricity, not super powers;-)
• Taylor (cousin)
• Family (this was my husband's contribution, I love him)
• TV
• David (ok maybe I did three:)
• Joshua (Isaiah's thankful)
• Grapes
• Granny (my mom)

Looking over the list I am certain we managed to lose some before I could post this (stupid blogger!). My kids like to mess with it and I know I've found "thankfuls" in random places, Isaiah even mentioned as I was sitting to write this he found one in his library bag the other day. Ah well. I tell you what I'm thankful for, two cute little boys with joyful, grateful, tender little hearts :).