Something of my very own

My current living situation doesn't afford much privacy, think summer camp...with kids...lasting 2 years. While I am grateful we have been able to live on sight during the building process (makes David more accessible if I desperately need him) it has often been taxing. Without real walls and doors there is nowhere that I can go, besides the bathroom, for a tiny bit of silence. My kids are literally everywhere I am, whether they want to be or not. Ultimately I am learning that I am thankful for this time because it has taught me a very important lesson about being a stay at home mom (or a mom at all). What is this lesson? No, it is not information to compile into a book titled "500 ways to hog tie, duct tape or otherwise confine/silence your children" :). Its this; every mom needs to have something that is just for you, something you enjoy doing as "insert your name here", not as a mom, wife, daughter, sister, etc...that's it. Sounds really easy and yet most moms I know have trouble putting it into practice.

I have a theory on why that is. As a mom you have to be selfless, to care for other people all day everyday requires a large degree of selflessness. The problem is that most people think this means total selflessness, never giving thought to yourself at all. I disagree, I believe never giving thought to yourself can actually be detrimental to your abilities as a mom, wife, etc... You need to have at least one (more if you can wing it) thing that you do for yourself, to help keep your own identity- the you before you were a wife/mom. GASP! I know, we aren't supposed to think about life before our children. Let me clear the air, thinking about the things you did before you had kids does not mean you wish you had never had your kids (common guilt trip played upon ourselves). I can not imagine my life without my kids but that doesn't mean I want to lose ALL of who I am to being a mom. It is the best thing I have ever done, but it's not the only thing I will ever do. Taking the time to remember that I am more than just the sum of my mothering capabilities gives me a breath of fresh air, a new confidence and makes me a BETTER mom.

How has living in perpetual summer camp taught me this? It was an idea virtually forced upon myself by my subconscious. It is really loud in here, the 14 ft ceilings amplify every sound. Sending Isaiah or Joshua to their "room" to continue their fit throwing doesn't give my brain a break to regroup at all. Night time is especially tough because I have to react to little sound, because if one is awake, chances are the other will wake soon. Needless to say, I was burning out- fast. I got it in my head to start scrap booking, something I really love, Josh needed his baby book anyway. That worked for awhile, I really benefitted from the time I could spend using my creative mind. As Josh got older it became impossible to keep him out of things, so I floundered again for awhile until I began running. Exercise has been the greatest release for me, not just because I have reaped it's benefits physically, but for that time I am in my own head. My thoughts wander all over the board (yes often thinking of my kids lol) going in the direction they desire to go without interruption (most days, my kids are kids not angels:). I do it as Renee and nothing else, no one needs me to run but me, although my hubby would argue he prefers exercised Renee as well. I don't think that is because I have gotten in better shape either, mentally I have a confidence I didn't have before. I have patience I didn't have before, energy I didn't have before, probably a million other things as well. Adding that little bit of "me time", something I do ONLY because I want to, makes a huge difference in my other "jobs". I appreciate these "jobs" SO much more too, not stepping away from something from time to time makes it a lot easier to take that thing for granted. An hour away from my kids makes me want to be with them all the more, kinda funny really. Another bonus? I am spreading my love for exercise (& scrap booking/creative thought) to my kids. They see I love it and want to try it too, how great is that? So, I encourage each of you to find a little something of your very own and see what a difference it makes!