Its the little things that add up to a big life

I confess, my attitude of late has pretty much stunk. I have tried so hard to see past where I am that I have ended up with a headache from the eye strain. The house project has consumed our lives in ways most of you may not understand. I feel like I have lived the past 4 years mostly on hold and I am tired of the cheesy music. Recently, I have had a change of heart or a slow, much needed, attitude adjustment. Thanks to reading some great examples a few friends have posted of late (weird that they do not know each other & both have done this) about the little things that make them smile, I realized I had not been taking stock of the really important things in life. The little things that occur daily, weekly, monthly in our lives and we sometimes miss or fail to give full credit to, because of the "big things" that distract us. So I have decide to take a moment to list some of those little things that make my heart soar, that make me smile, even make me tear up a bit (in a good way) below.

*After nearly 40 years of marriage my parents can still embarrass me sometimes with their affection for each other

*Many of my boy's playmates are the children of my old playmates & friends

* Isaiah telling his brother "I love you Joshy" out of the blue in the car & Josh returning with an "I you too brabo"

* The light in my children's eyes when daddy walks in

* The look my husband gives me when he thinks I am being "very me" as if at that moment he can see every reason he loves me (it's a really good one:)

* That I can see one of my best friends from 2500+ miles away & our children can "play" together (Skype rules)

* My kids have all four grandparents who love to love on them (Papa, Grinny, Papa Gone & Grama Bucky, as Josh calls them :)

* Isaiah saying "mom, I pretty love you"

* Joshua climbing in my lap & saying "hi mommy" over & over while hugging me

* The smell of my kids when they are freshly bathed

* Dark chocolate, iced lemon water & a favorite show

* Opening my bible right to a verse that speaks directly to how I am feeling

* Riding my bike fast, it still makes me feel like a kid

* Isaiah saying his bed time prayers, or as he puts it "telling God a story" :)

* Pastor Gary hugging me every time I walk into church, makes me feel 12 years old again (I love it:)

* A beautiful smile from sweet coffee gals when I have had a rough morning

* Isaiah & Joshua wrestling together

* David's hands dwarfing mine

* Laughing, laughing, laughing- my boys have me doing this a lot

* Random text messages from my niece

* Inside jokes, the good ones that make you laugh so hard just remembering them

* Being "straight out of middle school, no one is watching, it's late & you're tired" silly

* My family & their pickles on tacos :)

I really could just go on and on. There are so many things in my life I need to take time to remember, rather than focus on the rough stuff. I know that this time will pass and if I don't treasure each day because I am so "fed up" with what we are dealing with, I will miss out. I am looking forward to the house being done, more than anything so we can have David full time again, so he doesn't have to miss stuff. In the meantime I am going to remember to remember the little things that are the most important. My life isn't just about the big events, it's about my day to day, week to week, month to month. Given that what I listed above is just the tip of the iceberg, I would say I have a pretty big life & should be thankful for every second.

Something of my very own

My current living situation doesn't afford much privacy, think summer camp...with kids...lasting 2 years. While I am grateful we have been able to live on sight during the building process (makes David more accessible if I desperately need him) it has often been taxing. Without real walls and doors there is nowhere that I can go, besides the bathroom, for a tiny bit of silence. My kids are literally everywhere I am, whether they want to be or not. Ultimately I am learning that I am thankful for this time because it has taught me a very important lesson about being a stay at home mom (or a mom at all). What is this lesson? No, it is not information to compile into a book titled "500 ways to hog tie, duct tape or otherwise confine/silence your children" :). Its this; every mom needs to have something that is just for you, something you enjoy doing as "insert your name here", not as a mom, wife, daughter, sister, etc...that's it. Sounds really easy and yet most moms I know have trouble putting it into practice.

I have a theory on why that is. As a mom you have to be selfless, to care for other people all day everyday requires a large degree of selflessness. The problem is that most people think this means total selflessness, never giving thought to yourself at all. I disagree, I believe never giving thought to yourself can actually be detrimental to your abilities as a mom, wife, etc... You need to have at least one (more if you can wing it) thing that you do for yourself, to help keep your own identity- the you before you were a wife/mom. GASP! I know, we aren't supposed to think about life before our children. Let me clear the air, thinking about the things you did before you had kids does not mean you wish you had never had your kids (common guilt trip played upon ourselves). I can not imagine my life without my kids but that doesn't mean I want to lose ALL of who I am to being a mom. It is the best thing I have ever done, but it's not the only thing I will ever do. Taking the time to remember that I am more than just the sum of my mothering capabilities gives me a breath of fresh air, a new confidence and makes me a BETTER mom.

How has living in perpetual summer camp taught me this? It was an idea virtually forced upon myself by my subconscious. It is really loud in here, the 14 ft ceilings amplify every sound. Sending Isaiah or Joshua to their "room" to continue their fit throwing doesn't give my brain a break to regroup at all. Night time is especially tough because I have to react to little sound, because if one is awake, chances are the other will wake soon. Needless to say, I was burning out- fast. I got it in my head to start scrap booking, something I really love, Josh needed his baby book anyway. That worked for awhile, I really benefitted from the time I could spend using my creative mind. As Josh got older it became impossible to keep him out of things, so I floundered again for awhile until I began running. Exercise has been the greatest release for me, not just because I have reaped it's benefits physically, but for that time I am in my own head. My thoughts wander all over the board (yes often thinking of my kids lol) going in the direction they desire to go without interruption (most days, my kids are kids not angels:). I do it as Renee and nothing else, no one needs me to run but me, although my hubby would argue he prefers exercised Renee as well. I don't think that is because I have gotten in better shape either, mentally I have a confidence I didn't have before. I have patience I didn't have before, energy I didn't have before, probably a million other things as well. Adding that little bit of "me time", something I do ONLY because I want to, makes a huge difference in my other "jobs". I appreciate these "jobs" SO much more too, not stepping away from something from time to time makes it a lot easier to take that thing for granted. An hour away from my kids makes me want to be with them all the more, kinda funny really. Another bonus? I am spreading my love for exercise (& scrap booking/creative thought) to my kids. They see I love it and want to try it too, how great is that? So, I encourage each of you to find a little something of your very own and see what a difference it makes!