Things moms do...& never tell you about

Being a mom is not glamorous. I am not sure why early TV producers decided to give us Joan Cleaver, Ma Brady & the like, but they certainly gave us a false picture of motherhood. Today we have Hollywood moms gushing about how much the adore their newborn baby, how they don't mind the nights spent up late, how quickly the weight came off and their children always look ready for a photo shoot. Don't get me wrong, I am not bashing on Hollywood moms, I just think they do nothing to help the rest of us get a grasp on the job. Sometimes I think they even make us feel guilty, like we are doing something wrong in our sweatpants, ponytails, with baggy eyes, spit up stains and an extra ten pounds. I suspect, they go through all the same things we "regular" moms go through, they just have a posse of people to help them clean up the aftermath. Either way, I decided to make a list of things I suspect most mom's do, but just don't broadcast to the rest of the world. If I am wrong, well then I guess I'm the only one :).

1.) Pull out the back of a diaper to check if it's poopy, accidentally putting your hand too far down

2.) Wiped a snotty nose with your hand, then wiped it on your pants (coat, whatever) because you have nothing else to use.

3.) Picked your kids nose, come on, you know you've done it.

4.) Cried hysterically in the middle of the night, trying to "reason" with your infant and explain to them that "mommy really needs to sleep"

5.) In your sleep deprived frustration considering dropping your baby off with a friend (or at a convent) with a note asking them to take care of him/her for you

6.) Bribed your kid with candy or some other treat, trying to finish your task that has taken too long and is almost complete but your kids are near nuclear (or just bribed them in general, I know you aren't supposed to but come one, once in awhile you just do)

7.) Threatened to remove a limb (or vocal chord) if your child didn't stop doing whatever it is they were doing with said limb

8.) Fed them cereal for dinner because you were tired

9.) Asked them some ridiculous rhetorical question like "Are you trying to drive me crazy?" or "Do you want me to spank you?"

10.) Totally toned out the sound of your children's voices so that they have to yell in your ear to regain your attention

11.) Made your child wait for something to teach them patience, when really you just want to finish the last chapter of your book (or, in my case recently a row of knitting).

I would like to say that while I have done some of these things that are totally against all the "parenting rules" it doesn't mean I wouldn't move heaven and earth for my kids. It doesn't mean that I don't have their very best interests at heart. Picking their noses, or getting poop on my finger (insert "ewwwww"), doesn't make me less of a woman. Staying in my comfortable clothes all day, with my hair in a ponytail because I am a bit tired, doesn't make me a bad wife (you know what I mean, not getting all ravishing before the hubster comes home). Really all of these things do the opposite, in my opinion. They prove I am real (not that any of you who managed not to do any of these things aren't), that my kids are more important than anything else and I am not going to feel guilty about that.

(That being said, I do think it's important to take care of yourself as a mom; have a hobby, go out without the kids, buy some stuff you feel cute in, believe me it's important but that's another blog all together:).