A Conversation With Z

Watching your kids grow up is so incredibly bitter-sweet. On one hand it is hard to let go of the sweet, snuggling dependancy of a baby/toddler, on the other seeing their personality develop and watching their little minds grow is a wonder. The older my boys get, the more I recognize I really do have a pair of smart, sweet, funny, sensitive, intuitive kids on my hands and marvel at how lucky I am to get to be their mom. Here is a snippet of a conversation he and I had this evening during dinner. 

Today Isaiah says to me "Mom, I learned that what you have is your treasure" 
I will confess that he learned this in a conversation about a Wubzy episode lol, who says tv is all bad
 I said "yes, that is very true buddy. You & Joshy are my treasures". 
Z- "Yeah, and daddy is all of our treasure, and you too mom".
Me- "Yup and we are all God's treasures". 
Z- "Yeah, everyone is God's treasure". 
Me- "They sure are kiddo". 
Z- "Yeah cause God made everything, I know that."
The conversation went from there to talking about prehistoric sharks and such, because he LOVES shows about all that. They talk so much about evolution, I find myself compelled to share creation with him. Being a former biology major from a liberal arts university, I know the ends and outs of evolution and honestly find it unbelievable, my religious (ugh, why does that word have to make me cringe?) up bringing aside, it just doesn't make "scientific sense" to me. So I don't mind him watching shows that tout evolution as fact because it gives me a chance to share what I have learned and the truth about the animals he loves so much.  Anyhoo, that's why he rabbit trailed that direction, he is, after all, his mother's son :). I just love that boy.

And because I think he's the cutest, here he is hanging outside in his Diego shades & Spongebob hat. 

Five Years Ago Today...

Five years ago today, you, my first baby boy were born. After a year of trying, 9 months of growing & 36 hours of labor I was beyond overjoyed to hold you in my arms. You were blue when you arrived but quickly gained color and peed all over me. I didn't mind, I was so happy to finally see your face, and a beautiful face it was. Daddy & I welcomed you into the world with big exhausted smiles.

Four years ago today, we celebrated your very first birthday with many family members, including a dozen cousins there with us. You loved all the excitement but weren't too sure about the cake, although you did love the frosting. By one year you were walking, spoke many words and it was already obvious you were going to have LOTS of energy. You were (& still are:) SUCH a blessing.

Three years ago today, we celebrated birthday #2, a party you shared with your good buddy Abby. By now you were running, leaping, jumping and had a very large vocabulary, especially for a boy your age. You loved to do puzzles, loved to play with animals and love the Wiggles. You were only months away from becoming a big brother, but of course you didn't really know it. 

Two years ago today, we had your 3rd birthday, nearly all traces of toddler were gone and you were 100% all boy. You still loved puzzles, but had dropped the Wiggles in favor of the Backyardigans & Diego. You loved any toy that prompted your imagination, and what an imagination you already had!! We took you swimming and then back to Granny & Papas for cake, you loved it. It never takes much to make you happy and excited, you are see so much joy in life!

One year ago today, you had your 4th birthday. We were knee deep in finishing our new home so this birthday was pretty low key, although you didn't mind. We did spend the day at Boucin Bears with many of your friends and later just had cake at home, with presents of course. Such a big boy you already were, with such a sweet spirit and loving nature. 

And now you are five, this year we had a big party at Happy Hoppers, many of your closest buddies came to celebrate with you. It was a really great day, for all of us. You told me many times that it was the "best birthday you'd ever had", although I am pretty sure you've said that every year :).

I cannot believe how quickly the years have gone by, Isaiah, and how much my love for you grows as I watch you grow. You may be a little dramatic at times and VERY energetic, which can be exhausting but I wouldn't trade an ounce of your personality for a thing. You have the sweetest, most loving, tender, compassionate spirit and we love you more than words can say. We are so proud of you, the boy you are, the man you'll be. Every day we pray for you, and your brother, that God will pour himself into you, even now. I have already witnessed a love for Jesus in your little heart, you pray on your own and with mommy, you have faith that will move mountains one day, I know it. Happy Birthday to my sweet Z, I love you to the moon and back. 

From the mouth of babes...

Here are some sweet things my oldest has said to me. He's full of funny things to say but often he says the sweetest things so I thought I would share some of those with you as well...

Last spring Isaiah brought me a magna doodle that was my "birthday cake" and told me to make a wish. I *did* and he asked me what I wished for, I told him a baby sister for he and Joshy. He smiles real big and says "aww thank you mom, God sure is taking a long time to give me a sister, that's what I wished for too!!".

One time I had drawn a heart on my leg (I have a bad habit of drawing on myself, I should just bite the bullet and get a tattoo), Isaiah noticed it and touched it saying "This heart has me, daddy and Joshy in it. But mom, I want a baby sister to go in your heart too!! I can't wait much longer!!"

Isaiah went through a period of not wanting to go to Sunday school (that's a funny story, to read it click here), while driving home from church where he chose to stay with me he said "I almost cried in church today mom, cause the songs were so beautiful".

While discussing the possibility that mommy and daddy *might* have one more baby, Z told me again that he wanted a baby sister. I asked him "what if we have another one and it's a boy?". He says "but mom, I prayed and asked God for a sister. So he will give me a baby sister, God hears us in our hearts mom".

Since learning of food allergies, ISaiah has been very curious about what I can and cannot eat. While talking about pizza he says to me "do you like pizza mommy?", I answered yes but that I can't eat it anymore (this was before I discovered a good gluten free dough). "Yes, but maybe someday God will heal you and you can have your favorite coffee again". For a brief explanation, just prior to this conversation I had learned that my favorite fru-fru coffee, white chocolate mocha, contains soy and corn in the mix, ergo a "no-no".

Something else Isaiah does that melts my heart is spontaneous prayer. He has prayed on his own for a good day in the morning, for his daddy when he was sick, for my food allergies, for me to get better when I was really sick this summer, that God would help him not to be scared... Nothing makes the smile on my face bigger then the sound of that little guy lifting his voice to the Lord. I can only imagine what it does to the smile on the face of the Father :)

***I am sure that you noticed a recurring theme in many of these posts. Isaiah has wanted and been praying for a baby sister for well over a year now, since before I was even thinking about the possibility. I've think if we have another, and it is a girl, we'll name her Faith because of her brother's incredible faith that she would come. :)

Sick kids, slow day

Has anyone else noticed that time moves slowly when your kids are sick? Not only do you inevitably slow down because you have a little one needing your attention frequently, but time itself seems to slow down. Perhaps it's due to the long hours spent just snuggling your kid, at least I spend a lot of time sitting with them, I am sure I am not alone in that. Maybe it's because you feel so "unproductive"; no "to-do" list is going to get shortened, laundry will sit unfolded in the hamper (ok, I confess, that happens even when my kids aren't sick), dinner will likely be something quick and easy, often pjs are the attire for the day. The nights are often where the hours stretch the longest, sick kids aren't really great for a mom's "beauty sleep". Last night I was up 4 times in the 8 hours I had given myself for sleep, my kids weren't necessarily up that many times but the hacking sound coming from the other room was enough to rouse me from my bed to check on my sweet monkeys. If not for the brief visit with my cousin/friend, today would have felt like 2, running together.

Here's the deal though, I don't really mind days like today. It's hard to have a sick kid at home, but sometimes it's just what I need to slow down and pay attention to what is going on around me. Even as a stay-at-home mom it's easy to get busy with your "to-do" list, making sure you get your kids out for play dates, or get yourself to "mommy dates", and forget the most important portion of my job description- nurturer. I am ashamed to admit that I don't always sit and spend quality time with my kids, a day can pass so quickly I don't realize most of it has gone by with only (what I refer to as) "subsistence interaction" between my boys and me. What I mean is, a day can pass with most of my conversations with my kids consisting of what they want to eat, breaking up fights, making sure they are clean/clothed/fed, basically. I am sure that I am not alone in this either, it's easy for anyone to get busy with life. So I guess what I am saying is, although it's hard and I pray for quick recovery (for their sake more than anything, no one likes feeling crummy), I am thankful for the chance to slow down and spend some good snuggle time with my kids. I am thankful to be reminded that above all else, the most important thing I am doing with my life is raising them. It doesn't matter if my house gets a bit grubby, or my kids have cereal for dinner, or the laundry gets wrinkled from hours of being mashed together in a hamper, what matters is that my little guys know every second of every day that I love them, value them and that they are the best part of my day. There is not a thing unproductive about that :)

Fishing firsts

I know that normally my blogs are heavy on the emotion or full of deep thoughts (well as deep as mine get anyway lol) but today I thought I would share some light hearted moments from my day.

Yesterday we took the boys fishing for the first time. Some of you may be appalled by this, knowing my husband is an avid fisherman, but building a house took up most of his spare time and I am not "intellectually equipped" to take them on my own (not to mention there is no way their first fishing experience could be sans David). It was an impromptu decision, the weather was nice and while in Sportsman's Warehouse the boys spotted fishing poles...well the rest is history. We left SW equipped with two Toy Story poles, a little bait and two very excited little boys. It was all they could do to maintain normal volumes as we drove to the lake we had decided upon, actually it is a series of lakes, and we picked the one no one was at. It was just us, and it was perfect.When we arrived my oldest informed me that "Daddy wants you to take fishing lessons, so that you can learn to fish" before we even exited the car. Apparently my reputation preceded me :).

We got down to the lake, happy to see a long gravel bar of shallows that the boys could play in while attempting to hook their first big catch. The only problem was impromptu fishing trips with one kid in diapers meant only one diaper (recently changed) in our arsenal so when Joshua decided to get his feet wet all clothing came off, including the diaper. Shortly after Isaiah decided he too needed to get his feet wet and didn't want to run the risk of his clothes getting wet also. So, what did we have? Two nude little boys with poles in the water, waiting for fish. What lesson did we learn? Always have swim trunks in the truck on nice weekend days in case of impromptu fishing trips :). As I said we were alone so I didn't mind the fact that they were running around with their tooshies out but taking pictures without "po-pos" (as my friend calls them) in them was much more of a challenge.

Within 15 mins of getting their lines wet Isaiah had his first fish. He very excitedly reeled it in but refused to hold it for the picture. My sweet oldest loves animals but is not fond of touching the slimy ones lol. Daddy and son proudly posed for their picture, I am not sure which had the bigger smile. Isaiah's proclamation after his first catch was "wow, fishing is easy", to which his dad chuckled. Only moments later, while trying to be patient waiting for his next bite he changed his mind saying "fishing is so hard". Apparently patience is the virtue he is still working on (join the club, at least he's in good company:). Josh too hooked his first fish, maybe ten minutes after his brother. Watching him reel it in was hysterical to say the least, he sounded as if he was running the last leg of a marathon and kept saying "I gotcha!". When he did land his fish (about a 5 inch rainbow) he was very excited! Unfortunately the fish flopped out of David's hands before we were able to get a picture- sigh, such is life. We stayed on the lake for almost two hours, surprised at how well the boys stayed focused on their fishing. Isaiah caught one more (more excited jumping around followed:), Josh had one on the line but inexperienced momma didn't get the hook set fast enough (cut me some slack, the fish were tiny:) and it got off. Isaiah announced after his second fish that he was now a "fisherman" and had caught the "fishing bug". I joked with David after this last statement that we needed to have a little girl so I had someone to keep me company when they were out fishing all the time. To this Isaiah said "mommy, you can just be a girl who comes with us", and melted my heart. Don't get me wrong, I have every intention of fishing often with my boys but I will be honest, 10-12 hours days spent on the water are not my cup of tea. I just don't have the patience for it, unless I am catching lots of fish or we are somewhere with plenty to see :). If my boys want me to come, however, I will and wear a smile on my face whether I am bored or not, that's part of what family is about.When it was time to go, both boys were not really ready but we had some things that needed done around our yard before this summer's elusive sunshine disappeared again.

All in all it was a wonderful day spent with my favorite guys. In the two years we were building the shop I daydreamed often about such days with my family and it was even better then I imagined it. I eagerly look forward to our next adventure.

Proud daddy, proud son

David helping Josh reel his fish in

Nude fishing

Time jogs on...

Today as I pulled out a tote of Isaiah's old clothes for Joshua to wear I got a little sad (& not just because the clothes I put into the tote clean now had a smell to them meaning more laundry:). I cannot believe that Josh will be two next month and is about to start wearing 3T clothes. I pulled each item out one at a time, sad that Josh could fit them and smiling as I remembered Isaiah in them not so long ago. Where does the time go so quickly? It seems like only yesterday we were trying to keep a toddling Isaiah from squishing his infant brother, now we are always trying to keep them from squishing each other. Watching your children grow is so bittersweet, on one hand you are excited to watch them learn new things, discover the world, on the other you cannot believe how incredibly lightening fast it happens.

I wish that I could go back and have a conversation with my young self about how fast life would pass by. I remember hearing "before you know it, high school will be over" or "enjoy your childhood, don't be in such a hurry to grow up, tomorrow will be here in a jiffy", but I don't think I really paid attention. When you are young time seems to stretch out before you as an endless entity, full of opportunities and experiences. Don't get me wrong, I don't think that my life is over in any fashion, time still has plenty left in store for me. I just wish I would have appreciated it more in the early days, wrote things down more, took more pictures. My

memory turned out to be not so great (an old high school friend & I laugh because she's the same way & we sometimes can't remember things we did together) and all of those things would help keep the memories fresh. I am grateful for the things I do have, the pictures, old papers, a few short-lived journals and enjoy looking over them from time to time.

My hope now is to do a better job keeping track. I have scrapbooks for each of my boys' first year, I take oodles of pictures, try to take videos, make photo books, etc... to help keep it all in line, to make the memories last a bit longer then my brain seems to want to retain them. More then that I want to remember to treasure every moment, as often as I can. Sure most of my days are full of laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, etc... and some may wonder how I intend to treasure these moments (I don't always, I will tell you that). My days are also filled with my

kids doing sweet things, great conversations with wonderful friends and family, loving looks from my husband, laughter & sometimes tears. It's not always a storybook day, obviously (my last blog being a good one to note), but it's still my life. These are the only days I will have here on this earth, God has ordained each one of them and I should always remember to pay attention before they are gone.

There is this old phrase "time marches on", really it seems to jog past most days, some days it seems to even sprint by. Ultimately I have two choices; to enjoy as much as possible to take it all in, or to loose track, going through life in a haze. Time doesn't really care which choice I make, it receives no benefit one way or the other. So I choose to do my very best to treasure my time as much as I can, because it is just going to keeping jogging on regardless.